The Sensationalist

A Fragrant Exam...

2009-11-12T19:55:00.011+11:00

Hey there.

Sorry for the long hiatus, but there are some things in life that just need to be blasted about.

Imagine this scenario:

Me. Stress, Stress, Stressing in the middle of a 3hr geography exam....
Then suddenly....

VA VA VROOM!

The clugging of an engine can be heard, tearing inside the school ground, parking itself right next to the hall.

And then an "aural and nasal" treat....

DOOF DOOF DOOF,

The floor shudders under the subwoofers of doom, as rabid hip hop music can be heard, some hip hop artist attempting to strut his stuff and failing miserably....

And a massive whiff of distinct "fragrance" comes rushing in, flowing through the windows, combining itself with 40 degree heat, and creating a "one of a kind" "perfume".

Without even looking we all knew who it was.....See here....

Obviously the examiners give a "WTF?" look.....The poor lady has probably lost 10 years of her life as this stench enters her fragile lungs.

They open the door. A black convertible with a dangling P plate stands there, its owner totally oblivious of his unmistakeble identity.

The rest..let's just say that I believe in silent rages.....

But seriously, that smell is one of the greatest identification tools that I have ever witnessed (Well it's strong enough to have a physical presence...)

No need for dog tags in war,

no need for smart cards in super secret CIA buildings.

One sniff and everybody will know wo you are.

It would almost make you feel a celebrity.

Perhaps he could distill his own sweat and market it as a product in it's own right?

So here, is the conlusion of my little rant. If anybody has any complaints...well I'm sure a whiff of "MB" will sooth things out, creating a nice and pleasant atmosphere for everybody.....

A little Bit of Un....

2009-09-06T23:48:00.008+10:00

Sorry for the short

and

trivial nature of this post.

But this week has been almost flabberghasting.

Plus. I'm way to tired to be recounting in the normal conventional blog style.

So here's my thoughts this week in a totally non copyrighted, satirical nutshell......

Stupid blogspot...compress the quality and the size of the pic....

Seriously. Lighten up people.

Oh. And if you hear that NRMA is suing a blogger for using copyrighted material. You'll know exactly what happened....

Fables Of the 21st Century

2009-09-01T22:38:00.005+10:00

Hey there. Sorry for the slight delay in

Sensationalising.

But today's blurtings are of a different nature.

You see. Interesting things go on around us, and we often just regard it as gossip. But really, there are lessons to be learnt everywhere

Just like Aesop who taught us that life lessons could be learnt from other people's mistakes, the same concept can be applied to our 21st century life.

And so....I am proud to introduce....:

Fables Of the 21st Century #1

Here, is the tale between two people. People whom you may or may not know fairly well. Let us explore their seemingly mundane lives and see what we can get out of it.

Note: Any resembles are purely coincidental.

Cough Cough

Lioness, Mosquito and the Iphone

"Lioness" and "mosquito" were good class mates. From maths to physics, they always seemed to help one another with equations that don't make any sense. But mosquito saw lioness more than just a mate for mucking around. He wanted something else.....In recognising the need to talk more to Lioness, Mosquito hastily followed the latest craze in telecommunications and bought himself a snazzy iphone.

“Ring-Ring!”

“Who is it?” the lioness answered.

“Why it’s your good friend mosquito!”

“Oh...”

Tumbleweed rolled outside Lioness’ bedroom window.

“Hey I have to go now…I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

Mosquito was mad as malaria. Nobody rejects a call from a $600 dollar iphone!

Mosquito summoned his natural instincts, and veraciously bugged Lioness’ socio- telecommunication life.

“Hey there Ms. Fickle Feline.”

“er..hang on…I’m just coughing a furball…..”

“Wassup my raunchy kitty!”

“Er…my house is on fire…”

“What’s a sexy pussy like you doing on a Friday night?”

“I’m friggen pregnant! Do you get my drift!?”

Mosquito thrived upon bugging his host. But then, Telstra sent him their monthly “gift”

Mosquito was last seen wrapped and suffocated around his $900 dollar phone bill.

What we’ve learnt today: Lioness’ can be brutal. But Telecommunication companies are deadly.

Sexualisation Of Chinese Food?

2009-08-30T23:25:00.000+10:00

Hey there, thanks for clicking on that hyperlink.

Oh. And may I also gladly welcome you to....

The Sensationalist.

Yes, yes i know what you're thinking....... "Great...another precious bit of optical fibre wasted on yet another insignificant addition to the already contaminated blogosphere."

But in the greater scheme of things, 99% of the internet is already filled with pornographic material and such.*

So think of us bloggers as good samaritans who are willing to clean up the smut with stories from our mundane lives.

You know how everybody says something along the lines of:

"My life is soooo boring....,"

"I wish something exciting happened today..."

"My life has no meaning whatsover..."

Well if you don't.... then I admire your ability to appreciate the small things in life.
Either that or you are an egocentric bastard.

But even the smallest of things in daily life can be exciting really. And even the most mundane things can mean so, so much more....

Which brings me to today's question:
Sexualisation of Chinese food?

First there was the sexualisation of Kung-Fu by the likes of Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, then Chris Tucker made camel meat sexy in Rush Hour.

And now this:

All Chinese people should be familiar with this. Curvaceous, volumptuous and with pasty skin with just the perfect contours separating its shape into two perfect spheres. Not to mention the gentle pink hue, giving it a glowing finish.

In short. Gluteus Maximus on a plate

"Oh the Chinese are such subtle and sensuous people," I hear my western friend say.

I don't know, maybe the princesses of ancient China had such shocking bodies that the Emporers could only get turned on from food instead.....passionately cooked by strictly male chefs.
hm.......

I know the Chinese are stereotyped to be factual and such.
But did they also have to be this technical?:

I'll leave you on that thought next time you check out a hot guy/girl's arse. I mean, we're all human......even if they have superhuman features. Which reminds me to plug Nathaniel/Eddy's blog http://kowontons.wordpress.com/2009/08/28/whatup/

Stay tuned for more sensationalised stories of mundane items.

*Did you know that 99% of all statistics are made up?